Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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