Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
