I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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