he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
