In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
