I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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