i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
