If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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