dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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