i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
