And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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