Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Welp...herpes.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
