You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
