1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
