You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
