Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
