And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She needs sedatives and a leash
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
