I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
