Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
