She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
