it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
