I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
