you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
