Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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