Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
