Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
