Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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