she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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