I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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