you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
