My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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