She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
