i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
