just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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