Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
