Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
