just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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