if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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