Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
