You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
