Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
