All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
