It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
