I didn't shave. On purpose
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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