it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
