Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
