I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
