I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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