U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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