Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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